*clears throat*
I’m kind of confused you know.
By life.
I spoke that I finally accepted my life.
Yes, I accepted.
I’m confused of the ways in life.
Not only live by me but also by others.
I want to write a topic of the bisexual life.
I admit I’m trying to be educated here despite I know nothing much of bisexual stuffs.
All I want is to express my own opinion and feelings as it piled up as questions in my heart.
I think I start to be feeling more and more sentimental and emotional.
Day by day,
Night by night.
I more to dissolve into movies, animes, mangas and novels.
No, I'm not making my way to fantasies, even how much I want to, I do know what is real and what is not.
I bet many of you know of “Brokeback Mountain” movie and the short story in a novel by Annie Proulx.
It's a story of a ranch hand Ennis del Mar and a rodeo cowboy Jack Twist, two men who fall in love on the fictional Brokeback Mountain in Wyoming in 1963.
The film was a blast to the fangirls or moe-lovers like me.
I felt so heart-broken and sad and happy and pity and angry in at the same time.
Such mixed feelings,
The movie soundtracks are great too.
Darn it if I wasn’t touched and sobbed because of the movie,
the story, the background music and the song "He Was a Friend of Mine", sang by Willie Nelson.
See,
I feel like I want to jump into the movie and save the day,
save the movie from going into a tragic love story,
save the movie from the bad ending...
There are so many people who doesn't quite understand the story and yes, criticized the movie.
How pity that some who couldn't understand such endurance and power of love in that short story and came as movie.
It's such a harsh world which they both live in,
They had each other for short period and it was never enough for them.
I wanted to blame on Alma, but,
Alma wasn't at the wrong when she couldn't accept of her husband's interest on Jack, and so somehow she could stand no more and filed for divorced with Ennis, took their two daughters since she won the child custody, making Ennis to provide child supports too.
She loved Ennis.
But she couldn't bear to pretend not knowing Ennis's relationship with Jack.
But she couldn't bear to pretend not knowing Ennis's relationship with Jack.
Afterall, she never did try to understand their relationship
She cruelly told Ennis that Jack was nasty.
She cruelly told Ennis that Jack was nasty.
Ennis lost his patience and was mad of that, yelling that Alma didn't know a damn thing, threaten to beat her but Ennis was a good man, he couldn't never lay a hand on or hurt her.
I wanted to blame Ennis.
But I can't!
Ennis have to work to support his daughters.
Ennis have to work to support his daughters.
I know he was afraid.
Afraid of the things he had seen when he was a 9 years old lad.
Afraid of the things he had seen when he was a 9 years old lad.
If Ennis had accepted Jack's idea to take care of a ranch together, then Jack wouldn't have died so brutally.
If Ennis had accepted the idea, then Ennis himself wouldn't be living alone in the trailer for the rest of his life looking at the shirts (his and Jack's), and the postcard, crying alone.
If Ennis had accepted the idea, then Ennis himself wouldn't be living alone in the trailer for the rest of his life looking at the shirts (his and Jack's), and the postcard, crying alone.
How to blame on Jack?
Blame him because he finally wanted to meet up with Ennis and began a 'special' relationship with him and see each other once in a while for 'fishing'?
He sounded somewhat selfish but he actually wasn't at all.
He blurted out in anger when Ennis couldn't make it to meet him on August, but November, as Ennis ought to work.
Jack said that if he would accept his idea of living and running a ranch together, they wouldn't be so confused, messed up or banged up in their life.
He blurted out in anger when Ennis couldn't make it to meet him on August, but November, as Ennis ought to work.
Jack said that if he would accept his idea of living and running a ranch together, they wouldn't be so confused, messed up or banged up in their life.
Jack apologized to Ennis after what he said had Ennis broke down and cried.
Jack offered his caress and Ennis was pushing him away but soon surrendered to him.
Jack offered his caress and Ennis was pushing him away but soon surrendered to him.
They hugged each other, finding comfort.
Jack had flashbacks on the time when they were working on summer together on the Brokeback Mountain, seeing a scene where Ennis was hugging him from behind so tenderly and then walked to the horses and said he got to go (to herd the sheeps).
Jack had flashbacks on the time when they were working on summer together on the Brokeback Mountain, seeing a scene where Ennis was hugging him from behind so tenderly and then walked to the horses and said he got to go (to herd the sheeps).
It was like, Jack knew from the beginning that, they could never continue this relationship forever.
Perhaps I interpreted wrong, but that's how I see...
Perhaps I interpreted wrong, but that's how I see...
Both Ennis and Jack lacked of love, and they lacked of love from each other.
Both so willingly to give but held back because of numerous unexplainable reasons.
It was never enough.
They loved each other so much.
But.
It was never enough.
Lureen supposed to be the one who knew of Ennis's and Jack's relationship.
And I consider Lureen as a very strong-willed woman who accepted Jack as what he was,
Though I doubt that Jack knows his wife knew about his affection to Ennis.
Though I doubt that Jack knows his wife knew about his affection to Ennis.
Lureen never said she loved Jack, yes she liked him, and it proved so when she saw Jack in the rodeo play.
They both made love on that one night and she gave birth to a boy.
They, of course adored thier son and got married.
Lureen was kind of awed and taken aback when Jack started to express his thoughts and barked out his true feeling and anger with Lureen's father.
It seems like Jack never yell or show his distress before in front of the Lureen's family.
You see, I adore Jack more than Ennis.
Jack was a fighter.
My heart goes more for him.
How sad and hard it was for both of them.
Darn.
I have to stop writing about Jack, or else I'm going to brawl.
Perhaps, this whole thing can be blamed on;
Discriminations.
Fears.
Fate.
Society.
Why can't they be together?
Why must Jack be so unfortunately?
Why Ennis has to go through all these?
Why why why why....
In the end of the movie, when Ennis mutters "Jack, I swear..." with his unshed tears,
straightening the postcard,
closes the closet and walks away....
with "He Was a Friend of Mine" song playing on the background....
I felt like screaming my lungs out.
But duh, I couldn't and didn't.
It was something like a huge force of bitterness and sadness pilling up in my heart.
Waiting to be burst into pieces.
Waiting to be burst into pieces.
I also believe Ennis was trying to say that if there's a chance or a reply button,
He would return back to the time and take Jack's idea to stay and manage a ranch together.
There, the regret.
I really want to cry my lungs out.
..
.
One or few of the passions of mine resulted me in being zealous of immoral relationship.
Which I don’t think it at all ‘immoral’.
Can you not think of those caused by one word ‘love’?
Yeah, I know some are or were really psychopaths.
But half of it is or was because of ‘love’, isn’t it?
Maybe you will think that I’m too naïve to believe such.
Everything happens with a reason.
Even every accident happened with a reason.
Tragic mass murder happened because a man was treated badly and went psycho to kill anybody he wanted.
That happened because of a reason, no?
A twin sibling, the brother loves the sister and in return the sister too, loves her own blood brother much, sexually.
That’s call as ‘incest’ and it happened with a reason, no?
Bondage videos are made and published illegally or legally because of there are hidden demands of some people wishes to go and experience it.
Gangbang or orgy activities are everywhere around the globe. These people aren’t ashamed to be recorded or known that they enjoy such fiery exercises.
What would you define ‘Brokeback Mountain’ movie genre as?
Is this the first thing comes into your mind?
“Gay” ?
If it's so, then, my friend,
You are terribly wrong.
It is a love story of two bisexual men.
Perhaps yes, some people will agree that Jack was more to favor men than women.
Still he liked Lureen and bedded her, or rather Lureen bedded him.
Jack needed much love, I wager.
As in the scene where he went to find a man and disappeared into the dark hallway.
I believe he and Lureen only made love once.
Ennis maybe, was caught in the middle, confused but later accepted the fact that though he was straight,
His soul had fallen in love with Jack's.
His soul had fallen in love with Jack's.
Soulmates.
Eh?
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