Sixteenth Step : Tired

Maybe I have been asking a lot.
I just can't help but compare as well.
I still feel pain and it's like a spear stabbed into my heart.

You see, I can stay awake for you.
I can drive far for you.
I can hold on my patience for you.
Previously you do most of them as well but probably as what people say; when you got to know them well and them to you, will slowly make them or you show true colors. And behaviors. At least I am.

The time when they were still willing to make some efforts will be clouded just because of some petty things that I don't like about them.

I dislike feeling stressed too.
Before this I was more like an independent individual.
I don't need to worry much about how one feels about me or how people feel about him.
Of how sloppy he dresses or that if he ever thought about how we have lesser time now.
Or on how I feel if I am being unreasonable sometimes.
I am afraid one day, I might unable to accept on how he does things and I would lose my cool and call it off.

Compared to before, my self-esteem has dropped a lot.
I don't feel that good anymore, to be very honest.

Even though I was the one who said we should be honest with each other. I seem to be the one felt troubled and jealous the most. Possessive too. Demanding as well.

Maybe we need a break?

Maybe I was being unfair to him.
Maybe I was asking a lot.
More than what is necessary.

Maybe because I love him too much but don't know how to love properly?

I hate feeling like this.
I hate feeling out of control.
I hate being emotional all the time.

I am tired.