Eleventh Step : The Real Question

I have swore to myself before,

That I will not get hurt or troubled by this,

Yet,

To this day,

I think I am really just a weakling after all.

I question myself;

Why do I even bother with it?

Because of one feeling,

It stops me from giving up.

But too,

Because of this one feeling,

I suddenly feel like giving up.

I understand and trying to understand,

That you too have given your best,

From your own point of view,

In my point of view,

I somehow do think that you are both giving and not giving,

It is like you have options and moods to give and not to give,

You don't want it,

Yet you do.

You claim that you are a simple man,

A simple man knows how to prioritize,

And that will show how much effort you are willing to give in,

It is always unfair for me because I will always be the one willing to give more,

And I will always tell myself to not wanting anything more than what you can,

Because I am trying to know you,

I am trying to understand you,

But I don't.

Till this day,

I have no idea what you said are true or just empty promises,

You said you wish to spend more time with each other,

Ask yourself again,

Do you really want to?

I am also a simple woman,

A simple text from you once in awhile,

Will makes my day blossoms like freaking sakura petals falling out of no where.

A simple give in of your real feeling,

Will give me assurance that this 'thing' between us,

Is going somewhere,

Somewhere right.

No woman wants to feel miserable all the time,

Waiting anxiously,

Choosing words carefully,

Planning places that convenient for you,

I don't mind doing all that,

Because I wanted to please you,

To make it less troublesome for you,

To hope that somehow in someway you will come to appreciate me,

Or come to like me.

It will always be unfair,

Because I am the one liking you more than you do,

And you will always be the someone;

'Who doesn't like me enough'

I accept that.

But I can't help feeling crappier than I already am.