I Want My Life Back.

I'm dying inwardly,

I'm drowning in the dept sorrow,

I'm not strong,

I don't have any strong wills in me,

I never had,

Why?

Why must it be money again?

Why money?

Why can't you just please throw some for me?

Instead on the gamble tables,

Instead on those gamble machines,

Why not me?

And why me?

Why choose this moment?

Why you chose this moment to do these things?

Why?

Why?

You never answered,

You never once answered.

I asked you,

You gave me this face,

I was scared,

I still am,

Who are the fuck are you?

Why are you my dad?

No.

I want my dad back.

Where have you hidden my dad?

I had hopes on you,

I had dreams to achieve,

I thought you could help me,

I thought everything was fine,

Just,

It never was.

Am I the black sheep?

Am I the one who brought you such luck?

Such child who brings bad luck?

Such bad luck claimed my family?

Who am I anyway?

What I did in my life?

No.

This life, is it really my life?

How had I been through it?

Has it really been 20 years?

How had I lived it?

You win,

You win everything now, don't you?

I lose,

I lose everything now, ain't I?

I have nothing more,

You have everything,

Let me be in peace?

Please?

What am I to you by the way?

Am I just some pet?

Or I am not even some pet?

So long,

You have been my idol, do you know that?

No.

You don't.

You still don't.

And you know what?

I still love you,

But you know what?

You are just like a trash that I insist on keeping,

Harsh word?

I don't even know how to talk to you,

Face it,

You aren't even ashamed of your deeds,

What's my view of you being 'trash' mean to you?

You don't care.

You won't care at all.

Does my life mean anything to you?

You don't, you didn't thought of it before aren't you?

I suppose no then?

Are you tired, huh?

Pop?

Huh?

Because I do.

Would you mind if I die?

How will you cope with it?

I'm curious, you know.

How will you react when you realize I'm gone?

Dead gone?

How will you live your life?

Will you still be,

Still be the same trash I mentioned?

Ha Ha.

Had I ever thought before of calling you 'trash' like this?

No.

I don't think so.

I want my life back.

I want my fucking life back.

I want my fucking normal average family back.

I want my fucking stupid family back.

I want the fucking crackhead laughings of my ugly family back.

I want my fucking old pa back.

I don't know what to say more,

Pop.

I'm dead in this craziness.

Just,

Get a life okay?

I don't know where am I heading,

I just don't.

And I don't want to know either.

Just fucking leave me alone.